Bless Australia Post.......
My scantily wrapped package arrived this morning, so very exciting.
By all acccounts I should have a vee-gee of steel in twelve weeks, investing 20 mintues of time per day.
Bit odd though, standing here typing, not sitting as gravity is my friend, for once!!!!
Apparently one in three women will experience the exact same thing as I, in varying degrees, due to a weakness in the pelvic floor. Either from childbirth or pregnancy,or both, I mean seriously you carry those bubbies around for a while with onbly the support of the pelvic floor to keep them in.....plus the extra burgers and milkshakes you end up carrying as well, because baby really likes them and wants them ! And then if the whold mother thing didn't get you, then menopause, the general ageing process or an inherited family tendency might come up and bite you on the backside, or frontside, in this case.
So, here I sit, with a big white plastic tampon as a friend, keeping me company, reading the flyer that came with my pack. I think it's written in another language as there's some very interesting looking instruments, probes, biofeedback units and something called a Pelcexiser, which looks painful, even a variety of electrodes. Let's hope the weights work.
So, I ask you, what is strong enough? When I can pop a balloon with a dart? Snap a pencil? Or just get through life with this not being the biggest thing that annoys me? Probably the latter, although if you see me down at the supermarket buying darts and balloons, please send me home!
Later,
Tracy Trapdoor xx
Sunday 22 May 2011
Saturday 21 May 2011
...still waiting
It's the weekend and I am still waiting for my 'fitness' parcel to arrive in the post.
Yesterday was netball and it was raining so I was faced with a dilemma.......do I wear, what my netball girls refer to as my 'tena ladies', with the fear that it expands in the inclement weather and it looks like I have a watermelon under my netty outfit, or do I risk now wearing anything and if its stops raining, things could get messy.
I have learnt, due to my 'issues' to do a stunt roll if I fall in netty so that I get back on my feet as quick as possible so that the underwear is not exposed for any length of time! The only down side to this is the grazes I end up with on my shoulders!
Oh, we lost yesterday at netball but we won the last quarter.......
I'll leave you to sit at the window and wait for the postie
Tracy Trapdoor x x
Yesterday was netball and it was raining so I was faced with a dilemma.......do I wear, what my netball girls refer to as my 'tena ladies', with the fear that it expands in the inclement weather and it looks like I have a watermelon under my netty outfit, or do I risk now wearing anything and if its stops raining, things could get messy.
I have learnt, due to my 'issues' to do a stunt roll if I fall in netty so that I get back on my feet as quick as possible so that the underwear is not exposed for any length of time! The only down side to this is the grazes I end up with on my shoulders!
Oh, we lost yesterday at netball but we won the last quarter.......
I'll leave you to sit at the window and wait for the postie
Tracy Trapdoor x x
Friday 20 May 2011
Everything starts with an introduction......
Hi I'm Tracy Trapdoor and for many years I've been struggling with the same problem!
It's not uncommon and it usually occurs when the wrinkles begin and gravity starts to be your enemy. Around the same time that your children start to smell like grown-ups and demanding Rexona roll-ons to mask the odour!
Now I'm a mother of three darling boys....
It all began with the first child. A rather interesting journey to say the least. Labour started lovely, not too serious, thought it would be a breeze. Had massaged my perinum with wheatgerm oil for months to make it subtle and giving......
In retrospect, perhaps a mistake!
Anyway, I digress, before I went to the hospital to deliver my baby I watched the sun rise with my Mum, my Weena and two dolphins that were putting on a spectacle in the bay.....you're thinking, perfect hey?
So my birth plan of playing Tori Amos whilst being rubbed with ylang ylang and lavender by the caring hands of family went right out the window with the contractions and then I was there in body, but drifted off somewhere else!
Lucky! My boy, #1, decided to come out face down and got rather stuck in the birth canal, jimmied in fact, so after a failed von tousse (the suction cap to the head), which shredded part of my vaginal wall he decided, with the doctors and a nasty pair of scissors help, to come crashing out of what was once a tidy little hole, blasting his way into the world and splitting all the way to the nether regions! Nasty...
After an hour having micro surgery, thankfully asleep, I woke and was ready to face the world as a new Mum!
It all went nicely except a few post-surgical issues....spontaneous farting, to name one.
Picture this....at the supermarket, new baby snuggled up in a beautiful rug, pushing a trolley, wandering aimlessly looking for prunes, prune juice, prune tablets and fresh prunes, when the loudest, most horrific explosion of gas (from you know where) erupts, without me knowing it was coming. No clenching of cheeks to stem the flow but an almighty roar that I couldn't really blame on the baby! As you can imagine, rather embarrasing.
As I lived with my weena and #1 and due to the terrible injury sustained whilst delivering, these comic episodes relieved the pain and we managed to get quite a few laughs out of the spontaneous farting!
Six weeks in and I had a bit more control, thankfully and I was due back at the surgeons. I had noticed that, post surgery, I had developed a......well, to me, it looked and felt, like a trapdoor (hence the name). So the conversation with the surgeon went something like this,
Me..."Hi, Mr Surgeon, I have noticed that I have a, well it looks like...a trapdoor covering my vaginal opening." (blush, blush)
Mr Surgeon (pursing his lips to hold in a smile) "Ummm, Tracy, that is not a trapdoor but stiches from your surgery and will dissolve in one more month"........more comic relief at home.
Everytime something went missing, the keys, the dog, #1's dummy, we blamed tracy trapdoor, hence the name...We even thought about getting the car keys that beep when you whilstle but thought a whistling vagina might put visitors off!
So everything healed, two more kids later (sun-roof extraction for #2 and #3) and now I have the issue, the reason why tracy trapdoor is striking back! Everytime I play sport, run, jump on the trampoline there is the issue that we have those funky poise pbl adverts for (which I should get shares in!) - bladder leakage. Now I have been to the pelvic floor physio and all would be well if I did yoga, rode a bike or took long walks on the beach! But no, I run, I bounce, I jump, I play netball, basketball, you name it, I'm doing it! And, it is an issue.
The lovely physio said to me, "Tracy Trapdoor, if your knee gave way everytime you ran, what would you do) - insinuating evertime I do something aerobic I am putting pressure on my pelvic floor and...you get the picture.
My response was, "I'ld strap it!"
So, there wasn't much else she could do and we parted ways.
I had heard from a gay friend, not sure how he knows this information, but apparently asian women don't have incontinence as they use something called vaginal cones......
hmmmmmm.........
on further research, god I love Google, vaginal cones are basically just weights for your vag-gee, which is, of course, attached to one of the biggest muscles of your body, the pelvic floor. Vaginal cones Start at 5grams and work up to 55grams. Sort of like body building on the inside.
So as we speak, in the post is my set of vaginal cones and tracy trapdoor is striking back and getting back the power!
This blog will be my journey and if it works well for me, then ladies and any men that might be reading this...weird.....you too can have a vag-gee as toned and tight as me. (hopefully) Consider me your vaginal personal trainer, without the touching. Just the motivation. Sorry, weird again.
Stay tuned,
Tracy Trapdoor x x
It's not uncommon and it usually occurs when the wrinkles begin and gravity starts to be your enemy. Around the same time that your children start to smell like grown-ups and demanding Rexona roll-ons to mask the odour!
Now I'm a mother of three darling boys....
It all began with the first child. A rather interesting journey to say the least. Labour started lovely, not too serious, thought it would be a breeze. Had massaged my perinum with wheatgerm oil for months to make it subtle and giving......
In retrospect, perhaps a mistake!
Anyway, I digress, before I went to the hospital to deliver my baby I watched the sun rise with my Mum, my Weena and two dolphins that were putting on a spectacle in the bay.....you're thinking, perfect hey?
So my birth plan of playing Tori Amos whilst being rubbed with ylang ylang and lavender by the caring hands of family went right out the window with the contractions and then I was there in body, but drifted off somewhere else!
Lucky! My boy, #1, decided to come out face down and got rather stuck in the birth canal, jimmied in fact, so after a failed von tousse (the suction cap to the head), which shredded part of my vaginal wall he decided, with the doctors and a nasty pair of scissors help, to come crashing out of what was once a tidy little hole, blasting his way into the world and splitting all the way to the nether regions! Nasty...
After an hour having micro surgery, thankfully asleep, I woke and was ready to face the world as a new Mum!
It all went nicely except a few post-surgical issues....spontaneous farting, to name one.
Picture this....at the supermarket, new baby snuggled up in a beautiful rug, pushing a trolley, wandering aimlessly looking for prunes, prune juice, prune tablets and fresh prunes, when the loudest, most horrific explosion of gas (from you know where) erupts, without me knowing it was coming. No clenching of cheeks to stem the flow but an almighty roar that I couldn't really blame on the baby! As you can imagine, rather embarrasing.
As I lived with my weena and #1 and due to the terrible injury sustained whilst delivering, these comic episodes relieved the pain and we managed to get quite a few laughs out of the spontaneous farting!
Six weeks in and I had a bit more control, thankfully and I was due back at the surgeons. I had noticed that, post surgery, I had developed a......well, to me, it looked and felt, like a trapdoor (hence the name). So the conversation with the surgeon went something like this,
Me..."Hi, Mr Surgeon, I have noticed that I have a, well it looks like...a trapdoor covering my vaginal opening." (blush, blush)
Mr Surgeon (pursing his lips to hold in a smile) "Ummm, Tracy, that is not a trapdoor but stiches from your surgery and will dissolve in one more month"........more comic relief at home.
Everytime something went missing, the keys, the dog, #1's dummy, we blamed tracy trapdoor, hence the name...We even thought about getting the car keys that beep when you whilstle but thought a whistling vagina might put visitors off!
So everything healed, two more kids later (sun-roof extraction for #2 and #3) and now I have the issue, the reason why tracy trapdoor is striking back! Everytime I play sport, run, jump on the trampoline there is the issue that we have those funky poise pbl adverts for (which I should get shares in!) - bladder leakage. Now I have been to the pelvic floor physio and all would be well if I did yoga, rode a bike or took long walks on the beach! But no, I run, I bounce, I jump, I play netball, basketball, you name it, I'm doing it! And, it is an issue.
The lovely physio said to me, "Tracy Trapdoor, if your knee gave way everytime you ran, what would you do) - insinuating evertime I do something aerobic I am putting pressure on my pelvic floor and...you get the picture.
My response was, "I'ld strap it!"
So, there wasn't much else she could do and we parted ways.
I had heard from a gay friend, not sure how he knows this information, but apparently asian women don't have incontinence as they use something called vaginal cones......
hmmmmmm.........
on further research, god I love Google, vaginal cones are basically just weights for your vag-gee, which is, of course, attached to one of the biggest muscles of your body, the pelvic floor. Vaginal cones Start at 5grams and work up to 55grams. Sort of like body building on the inside.
So as we speak, in the post is my set of vaginal cones and tracy trapdoor is striking back and getting back the power!
This blog will be my journey and if it works well for me, then ladies and any men that might be reading this...weird.....you too can have a vag-gee as toned and tight as me. (hopefully) Consider me your vaginal personal trainer, without the touching. Just the motivation. Sorry, weird again.
Stay tuned,
Tracy Trapdoor x x
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